Shorties

[drew]

What's the difference between a fairy tale from the Northern USA and one from the Southern USA?

The northern USA tale goes: "Once upon a time.." while the southern goes: "Ya'll ain't gonna belive this shit.."

[drew]

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.
A guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much."
The speaker replied, "You don't know my wife. The letters stand for 'Keep It Short, Stupid'."

[drew]

A wife is helping out her computer illiterate husband, and they come to a point were he has to come up with a password so he tries to get her attention buy obviously typing in penis. The wife falls over laughing when the computer starts flashing: "PASSWORD REJECTED, TOO SHORT".

[drew]

The following ad was in The Atlanta Journal:

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy.

[_Bonnie_]

A dog?

[drew]

A mathematician wandered home at 3 AM. His wife became very upset, telling him, "You're late! You said you'd be home by 11:45!" The mathematician replied, "I'm right on time. I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."

[drew]

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[Filuren]

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt.

Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.

[Filuren]

If a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

[drew]

[Filuren]

How many racists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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[Filuren]

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''

Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''

Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''

[Filuren]

"My uncle ran for Senate last year."
"Really? What does he do now?"
"Nothing. He got elected."

[Filuren]

Den e så dålig, så jag gömmer den.

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[Filuren]

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

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[Filuren]

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up and sees a funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.

The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."

The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

[Filuren]

"They call my husband 'The Exorcist.'"

"Why?"

"As soon as gets to a party, he rids it of all the spirits."